Archive for the ‘Phobia’ Category

When we left Marylebone behind we wondered how we’d cope with the lack of shopping, being frequent visitors to Selfridges and other rather fabulous shops how on earth would we manage? The two of us like to browse the shops for anything and everything. Husband for TV’s and Cameras, me for Make up and shoes, Eliza loves to look for clothes and jewels and toys and Jerry HATES shopping more than any other man/boy I’ve met in my life.

Moving to Kent meant those shops were now at least 45 mins away or we could go to the rather large shopping malls that surround us here in Kent. I do find places like Bluewater repetitive and full of trinket shops and shops for obviously the younger generation. As in under 25’s

But it will do.

It has House of Fraser etc so one can get all the Kitchenware and it has an Apple store and Girls and Boys Base shops so you know we’re all covered if we visit there ๐Ÿ˜€

Now we have moved again, we’re living in a semi rural environment and TBH 1 week in, I like it more than I did living where we were 1 week ago. I’d rather be out and away from it all. Closest shops to me are 2 miles away. I’m talking shops like post office, small convenience store etc.

The air is really clean, the water is softer, I am thinking it’s sourced from somewhere other than the Thames. Limescale is almost zero here.

And I am surrounded by village folk who ring my door bell early in the mornings with bowls of strawberries and offers to look after the kids or run to the shops for me. Of course a lot of this goes with being the new person in a village and them wanting to see us. I grew up in Devon someone new moving into the town/village is like some towns finding unexploded bombs, the excitement is almost unbearable.

We also gained a cat in our move, the cat has lived in the house her whole life,

Kitty Cat

I also gained a rather well grown herb area of the garden

The garden is lovely and I am hoping to get a summer house for the children soon, although finding one that isn’t going to mean I have to sell a kidney is proving hard. Well the ones we like anyway. The garden is in desperate need of love and attention and is overgrown it’s like the secret Garden out there. Hubby bravely went into one of the sheds yesterday and managed to come out alive after saying “you won’t want to go in there babe” next weekend he shall tackle the shed of doom. We both suspect Shelob is living in there.

I do however have a gardener now, and I fully intend to get him to cut a lot back and get some more light into the garden. Or I might just instruct hubby to do it, I like watching him work.

I have a few touches that need to happen, to my new abode we now have a massive dinning table for 10 people. but no tablecloths quite hard to find tableclothes that are 280 x 160 and you can wipe down and don’t look like they belong in a roadside diner. I might also need to find 8 friends.

My husband bought some plants for myself and Eliza yesterday so they have brightened up the place too.

Today will be spent finding the dinning table after I dumped a load of crap on it yesterday in anticipation I do find a tablecloth! And getting Eliza’s books into her room. I also need to tackle my hallway which I feel slightly anxious about due to 8 legged friends, but I can do this!

Hope you all have a lovely Monday too ๐Ÿ™‚


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HUGE rambling post

There is something about me that is probably somewhere on some some psychologists chart, of nutters.

I try very hard to be organised but I fail so utterly miserably I think I have always been like this. I rush things and don’t take my time, I think I am doing a good job and I am highly, HIGHLY defensive if you so much as dare question my organisation. I more than likely will tell you I am one of the most organised people you know so F’k off.

But in the reality I am beyond disorganised and forgetful and scatty this is not parenthood this is who I am. I am INCREDIBLY forgetful. I never remember anything important like appointments and car insurance renewals, yes they send you a letter but I loose the letter and then I forget I even ever had the letter. Money well lets say my husband asked if he could have my credit card this morning. I forget what I have bought, I forget if I have any credit on it, when it’s due etc.

I get in the car and realise half the time I’ve left something inside last week I went out with out any nappies for Jerry and yup you guessed it he had a poonami and had to just wear a vest, He was like an old man pulling it to the side and demanding that SOMEONE, ANYONE look at his willy. I haven’t forgotten that ๐Ÿ˜€

I have an amazing memory for things like lines in a play, I can watch a TV and then pretty much recite the entire show word for word back to my husband with great delight I know he loves to hear about Eastenders ๐Ÿ˜€

I can read article after article on blogging or parenting and remember them for years.

But important things NO.

Which brings me to the fear of spiders which I blogged about a short while ago. Since moving there has been a rather larger amount of the things than normal, yes moving house, a leafier garden and summer are reasons for this. But my fear is starting to become how it use to be. This morning there was a small, as in 5p size black baby wolf spider in Eliza’s bedroom for 15 minutes I was up and down the stairs trying to wake my husband to get it. Then I went back to her room and it was gone.

Eliza LOVES spiders or mr skinny legs as she calls them, ย I however couldn’t even enter her room because if I did it would surely run at me and cause death.

But I have kids, and they have no idea of the fear gripping me. I had to go help look for Mr. Skinny legs who has bloody run away and hopefully died a painful death.

Then there was a daddy long legs by the stairs and my husband bless him, but he was a total twat and tried to pick it up with a FORK! A FORK and er yes he dropped it on the stairs and he frantically tried to catch it with the fork, and well he didn’t. And for the first time in a long time, I let my fear take over and I had a panic attack and broke out into this enormous sweat, and busrt into tears THANK GOD the kids were watching PONYO and were no where near me, I then sat in my room and cried my eyes out so angry at the fear, so angry I let myself behave this way.

I was about to leave the house to get dinner, but now I was trapped up stairs it took me 10 minutes to gather myself to walk down the stairs. I reminded myself it was a daddy long legs not a funnel web which would charge at me poison and cause certain death. each step was dangerous I was shaking like a leaf.

I have to get better I can’t go on like this, at some point Unal, won’t be home and I will with the kids and I will have to cope.

I’ve just to remember it’s silly!

we’re getting there with the un-packing boxes still everywhere, things missing, hubby loosing his mind with me asking where or what box has this or that in it and I can’t even remember packing it let alone where it is now.

Anyway it’s 9.50pm and my daughter is still up and on the ipad

shower time, anyone else sick of this hot weather?

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For this post I’ll be using zero images.

When I was a little girl growing up in an ancient house in Devon, I saw my share of spiders. I got scared a few times, and a few times people scared me on purpose. I think once I had been scared on purpose my fear was established and I became scared of them all, in all situations.

I would scream and ask for help to get rid of them, if I had no hoover, but then I really didn’t like hoovering them, the feeling of them going in the tube and then the the fact they were now in a bag which I’d have to remove.

When I moved to Australia all the stories of MASSIVE dangerous spiders was quite worrying. I lived in Central Sydney in a flat 9 floors up, I rarely saw spiders. Cockroaches yes. Spiders once – twice maybe.

On a visit to my sister in laws one year, I woke with a sore shin, a mosquito had bitten me in the night, I am highly allergic to mosquitos. But this was really sore and my whole leg was swelling quicker than usual. We were not close to home, but we left and drove all the way back to sydney 600kms away. Monday came my leg was now extremely swollen and now had a blister on it where the bite was. I went to the DR and explained my mosquito allergy and was worried this mosquito had a disease.

Except this wasn’t a mosquito bite it was they think a ย white tailed spider bite, something a little more sinister. My leg got cellulitis and I ended up off work for the week. What followed was months of tiny blisters popping up all over my body and being very inflamed bursting and leaving sores. It was very sore and really worrying. Recent research has shown that White tailed spiders probably wasn’t what bit me, it was some other spider.

Funnily enough this didn’t scare me more, instead I was quite interested, I know if you’re bitten by something like a spider or snake in Australia you’re pretty unlucky it doesn’t happen like they say in the movies.

My fear took hold however of spiders out in the open, in Sydney Botanical Gardens every year in summer hundreds of spiders build webs 20 foot high 20 foot across and they all sit in them it’s the thing nightmares are made of. I was on a photography course when we stopped to practise our macro shots on yep you guessed it. I had a massive panic attack in front of people and it was like I couldn’t get away every turn I made there was more webs more spiders, these spiders are as big as you hand by the way. It was terrifying.

I couldn’t go on like that, I’d stopped sitting on benches near trees, I’d stopped parking my car on streets with trees. I was now letting my fear control me. I sought help in an anxiety clinic at ย a university. Here they had on site a place where students were actually studying spiders. My treatment took six months.

My first meeting I had to describe my childhood, the second meeting I had to talk about my fear I nearly threw up, saying the word spider made me paranoid they were in the room. The third meeting she took me to a room sat at one end and opened a tiny photocopy of a picture I leapt up and ran for the door. She got there before me and we worked through looking at a picture her at one end me at the other. I cried, I had a panic attack, by the end of the hour I was holding the piece of paper in my hand, and took it home in my handbag.

By the end of six months I was easily able to walk into an enclosure with Golden orb spiders, I have photographic proof too! ย They are as large as plates. My fear was still there however, but now I could manage it. I was no longer petrified and was able to now place small spiders outside and wasn’t scared of the park and books. I just didn’t like them.

Fast forward 5 years and we’re back in England where you see spiders all the bloody time, after not seeing them for years my fear took hold again, and I am now once again scared of the big ones, I try to get close to place a cup over them, but then what I am no way in hell picking that cup up. Yesterday a medium house spider fell out of some boxes, it ran past my foot I screamed and ran for a cup and wacked it over the top, the kids were milling about and kept wondering why there was a cup on the floor, I had to keep it together and show I had no fear. I don’t want them to have this in their lives. My husband came down from the attic and took “mr skinny legs” outside I made a big deal about setting him free and we all went to the garden. Jerry nearly picked the bloody thing up to show me, thankfully it ran away.

But now I have 65 odd boxes all flat packed all waiting for me to open them and tape them. In my head I feel strong, but getting near those boxes has me filled with tremendous fear of more spiders coming out. I am at a loss, I am dragging my husband in to my irrational behaviour by getting him to check each box while I stand 10 foot away yelling commands at him. He puts up with this crap. I feel stupid and hate that I do this. Knowing no actual harm can come to me. Yesterday when I saw the spider. I screamed out of surprise. But my breathing stayed the same, my heart rate didn’t increase this is good!

My mind is filled with how many spiders will be in the new house, where do they normally come in, how often? We shall be taking the Landlords cat, does she bring spiders in?

It’s getting silly now, and I need to get a grip, if I can pick one box up and open it, I can open them all.

Wish me luck!

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