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Archive for the ‘behaviour’ Category

This is a touchy subject with me. Lets start by saying it’s my opinion and like yours it doesn’t make it right or wrong, it’s just an opinion!

When I got pregnant with Eliza I was working in a hospital part time in the sterilising department, it was heavy work and I had other back issues and was trying to start my photography business. At 11 weeks my husband said, that’s enough quit you’re going to be a mum now.

Luckily we were then and still are in a position where I can be a stay at home mum, I have the options and choices to work if I want, and I do every now and again with the photography I take on as much or as little work as I want.

I took my new found life very seriously and said I hoped I could always stay at home and look after my children. Husband agreed.

I also always said I’d never send my children to Nursery, because I want to raise my children. I want to teach them, I chose to have kids not a job and I intend to be there until they start school.

This was probably fine until I had Jeremiah. All my friends started to send their children to nursery. But still it just didn’t personally sit with me. I understood why they were doing it, but I couldn’t. She was 2 years old still a baby in my eyes, those 2 years had gone by so fast, surely the next two would as well. And they have.

And I am so proud of myself. LOL

WHY?

Because at times I have truly felt like I can’t go on. And that she needed to go to Nursery pronto!

But I have never given in to that selfish feeling that is only fleeting for me. Eliza is a bright kid, and started to take an interest in numbers and letters at around 2.5 she wanted to start learning. I bought some little 3-5 year preschool books and for the past 2 years we have been using them and various other ones to help challenge her and to give her what she asks for. I don’t push her, if she didn’t want to learn to write or add 2+2 I’d never say “right we’re doing this today” I believe all children learn as much or as little as they want when they are home with their parents. Or as much as their parents can give them! I’m happy to encourage her and to be honest she could sit and do her writing books for an hour, where I tend to think at 3 years this was a little excessive and tell her to take a break for a little bit. Now at 4 she will sit easily for an hour doing her reading and writing books, sometimes I sit with her for the entire hour or she happily works away on her own asking for help if and when she needs it.

Jerry isn’t like Eliza at the same age and I don’t expect him to be, he’s a different person, he’s extremely physical and loves being active, he has very little interest in arts and crafts, and only recently in the last 6 months decided he quite liked being read to and now picks books for you to read to him, he’s not as independent as she was and I have to encourage him to play on his own. Just as I sit with Eliza I take Jerry into the garden and play football with him, and play hand eye co-ordination games with him.

When we moved to central London, I did a lot of classes with Eliza we did a dance class which was basically running around and having fun, then we did a arts and craft class, we had a music class like monkey music, we went to the Library, we went to French Class, and Ballet and Playgroups.  It sounds like a lot and it was and I was pregnant with Jerry so it got even more tiring, I had a lot of support however there. This was perfect for Eliza this was at a level of stimulation enough for her.

Once Jerry was born we went to French and she went to Ballet and we went to Playgroup that was it. Of course Jerry was little and she was older and she got bored so he didn’t get to go to playgroup, I ended up with one bored toddler and a sleeping baby, so I stopped a lot of the other classes.

Then we moved to Suburbia, and I had one 1 year old and a 3 year old and I couldn’t go to any classes with them both, they were now both missing out. I had no friends in the area, come to think of it I still don’t lol and no one except Monkey Music would take me on with both kids, so Monkey Music it was. And that’s all we have done for the past year. The rest of the time it’s been me as the entertainment.

Thankfully and if you look back through my blog, you’ll see we’ve done a lot since we moved out here, lots of trips to Europe, lots of family days out. There is a lot of other things to do out here, things that we all enjoy.

Now Eliza is starting school in September and she couldn’t be more excited she quizzed the headmaster on the computer room, asked if they had singing lessons and if she could learn violin. She asked the teachers if they taught maths and reading and writing, her first visit she came out thrilled with the fact one of the teachers had sat with her to read a book and she had read some words.

Jerry is still obviously with me, and bored. OH SO BORED. And I am 33 weeks pregnant and tired.

So with this all in mind. I started to look for a nursery, the first one I visited I was APPALLED this nursery has a “good” report from Ofsted I was thinking they must of come on a very good day.

You know when you go into a baby change room in public and you open the nappy bins to throw one away. Every room smelled like that. There were old cobwebs in the corners of the rooms, the floors were FILTHY, the toys weren’t much better and there were a lot, A LOT of kids there. I felt like J would be alone a lot of the time if he went there and there was no way in hell I’d ever send him there it was so dirty. I feel really sorry for the mums and dads out there who have no choice but to send their kids there. It was heartbreaking. So glad I do have that choice, I’d rather he hung off my trousers all day and cried and had tantrums.

So I decided the best thing for me to look into was Montessori I know I like that style of nursery and learning and I found one which had “outstanding” on it’s Ofsted report and next to it it said “above outstanding” having just been to the “good” nursery I held little hope for this place.

But I went along. It was as expected calm, the kids playing nicely, 1-1 a lot of the children, or sitting in pairs or tables of 4. The juice and snack bar is always open apparently and they can help themselves. Jerry stuck to the home corner he loves having tea parties and cleaning. He washed dinosaurs and dried them took them for a walk, put them to bed, then he headed for the maths corner and really got into shapes and what not and had a good look around at everything else.

I was happy.

Afterwards I asked him what he thought. “I liked it mummy, I liked that nursery, I like tea parties and dinosaurs” I said would he like to go again and it was a very keen “yes, now?”

So I’m putting his name down for 1-2 mornings a week see how he goes and fits in. I am easy and flexible on how long he goes for. I am easy if he doesn’t like it, but I really feel like he’s missed out on things that Eliza got to do. He isn’t as well socialised and is timid around other children. Hopefully this will help him and it will give me a little selfish break with the new baby.

I still feel like it’s selfish of me, I still feel that being a full time stay at home mum, I should be exactly that. And I feel like I have let Jerry down by putting him into Nursery. I wonder when he is grown up he’ll look back say “you did so much for Eliza why not me?”

I do however fully intend to get him into Tumble Tots and Little Kickers, although he ,despite liking football, has said he doesn’t want to go to football class!  So we might just try it and see if he really doesn’t want to go!

So am I alone in this guilt of sending to nursery?

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That little pig has a lot to answer for, or maybe I have a lot to answer for.

There is no shortage of TV in this house, we have 500 movies to watch at least 200 of those are for children or child orientated such as Ponyo and other studio Ghibli.

I use the TV as a babysitter I am very happy to admit that. I am a stay at home mum of two children. I run my own business and look after my husbands company and I work my ass off keeping things homely and cooking meals. I like any other mother stick the TV on to give myself a break, to get a bit of down time.

Jerry isn’t really into watching the TV at all, he’d much rather be playing with helicopters or hitting things like me or Eliza. Eliza however LOVES the TV. Jerry loves Peppa Pig and Ponyo and it ends there.

I closely monitor what they view. There isn’t a show they watch that I haven’t watched a few times to be happy they can view it. We have sky but I don’t let them watch Nick Jr mostly because it’s full of commercials. I don’t really care that the kids ask for things, but I find it annoying.

So when we were moving house and I was busy as anything packing, Peppa Pig was on A LOT I am talking hours. I just kept putting a different one in, and pressing repeat. It made my life easier and it’s harmless, right?

Except when you are 3-4 years old you are easily influenced. My husband and I are under the impression we are our children’s biggest influencers currently. Of course I assume once Eliza starts school in September this will change.

Eliza started doing this really annoying thing of saying “you’re not my friend” and blowing a raspberry in her brothers face. Now maybe some will say I take things to seriously, but for me the words are easily dealt with the raspberry blowing I find hugely offensive and I will not put up with it. Of course Jerry is a copycat and now he does the same unaware of what he’s really saying or the action following it.

I was racking my brains on where Eliza had picked up this horrible sentence and action. She is home with me all the time. Except one music class, her only other influences are the TV. So I watched through the DVD’s and found out Peppa pig has a quarrel with her friend and says and does the above. Now the moral is they say sorry and make up, this part hasn’t gone into my children’s minds only the rude bit.

When my kids get into conflict depending on how I am feeling lol most of the time I get down to their level and I ask Eliza to speak properly in her grown up voice to tell Jerry exactly what her problem is and resolve it. I give her the words to use such as “Tell him you don’t like him doing that” “Tell him to stop” crying and whinging doesn’t do anything but make things worse. Eliza is highly emotional and screams and cries over anything (no idea where she gets that from) Jerry is aggressive pushes and bites. I know they say to let children resolve as much as possible on their own but seriously when hair is being pulled and teeth marks and one is pushing the other, you got to step in!

Eliza is now very upset when Jerry shouts at her “you’re not my friend” and blows a raspberry in her face. Of course he’s seen it on the TV but Eliza picked it up and started to use it. Now it’s the latest insult being thrown around and my god it’s hard to break and for that very reason Peppa pig is banned until I can screen each episode and know exactly which ones don’t contain things like this. I understand the moral of the story but at 4 years old it’s somehow harder to put all together, and know they had a fight and it was resolved. At four years old she doesn’t have the reasoning skills to establish what follows.

I may be a fuddy duddy but I do expect a level of respect in my children for each other yes even at this age. I believe guiding them to resolve things peacefully and calmly is better than screaming and shouting, this is not to say I personally don’t scream and shout I do daily mostly around 4pm when  I am barely able to stay awake and they are quite literally at each others throats. Some days I feel all I do is shout and I hate that. And I know that is far more influencing that a TV show.

What are your thoughts on shows such as Peppa Pig and others, do you think “kids will be kids” they would do it anyway? How easily influenced is your child.

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That little pig has a lot to answer for, or maybe I have a lot to answer for.

There is no shortage of TV in this house, we have 500 movies to watch at least 200 of those are for children or child orientated such as Ponyo and other studio Ghibli.

I use the TV as a babysitter I am very happy to admit that. I am a stay at home mum of two children. I run my own business and look after my husbands company and I work my ass off keeping things homely and cooking meals. I like any other mother stick the TV on to give myself a break, to get a bit of down time.

Jerry isn’t really into watching the TV at all, he’d much rather be playing with helicopters or hitting things like me or Eliza. Eliza however LOVES the TV. Jerry loves Peppa Pig and Ponyo and it ends there.

I closely monitor what they view. There isn’t a show they watch that I haven’t watched a few times to be happy they can view it. We have sky but I don’t let them watch Nick Jr mostly because it’s full of commercials. I don’t really care that the kids ask for things, but I find it annoying.

So when we were moving house and I was busy as anything packing, Peppa Pig was on A LOT I am talking hours. I just kept putting a different one in, and pressing repeat. It made my life easier and it’s harmless, right?

Except when you are 3-4 years old you are easily influenced. My husband and I are under the impression we are our children’s biggest influencers currently. Of course I assume once Eliza starts school in September this will change.

Eliza started doing this really annoying thing of saying “you’re not my friend” and blowing a raspberry in her brothers face. Now maybe some will say I take things to seriously, but for me the words are easily dealt with the raspberry blowing I find hugely offensive and I will not put up with it. Of course Jerry is a copycat and now he does the same unaware of what he’s really saying or the action following it.

I was racking my brains on where Eliza had picked up this horrible sentence and action. She is home with me all the time. Except one music class, her only other influences are the TV. So I watched through the DVD’s and found out Peppa pig has a quarrel with her friend and says and does the above. Now the moral is they say sorry and make up, this part hasn’t gone into my children’s minds only the rude bit.

When my kids get into conflict depending on how I am feeling lol most of the time I get down to their level and I ask Eliza to speak properly in her grown up voice to tell Jerry exactly what her problem is and resolve it. I give her the words to use such as “Tell him you don’t like him doing that” “Tell him to stop” crying and whinging doesn’t do anything but make things worse. Eliza is highly emotional and screams and cries over anything (no idea where she gets that from) Jerry is aggressive pushes and bites. I know they say to let children resolve as much as possible on their own but seriously when hair is being pulled and teeth marks and one is pushing the other, you got to step in!

Eliza is now very upset when Jerry shouts at her “you’re not my friend” and blows a raspberry in her face. Of course he’s seen it on the TV but Eliza picked it up and started to use it. Now it’s the latest insult being thrown around and my god it’s hard to break and for that very reason Peppa pig is banned until I can screen each episode and know exactly which ones don’t contain things like this. I understand the moral of the story but at 4 years old it’s somehow harder to put all together, and know they had a fight and it was resolved. At four years old she doesn’t have the reasoning skills to establish what follows.

I may be a fuddy duddy but I do expect a level of respect in my children for each other yes even at this age. I believe guiding them to resolve things peacefully and calmly is better than screaming and shouting, this is not to say I personally don’t scream and shout I do daily mostly around 4pm when  I am barely able to stay awake and they are quite literally at each others throats. Some days I feel all I do is shout and I hate that. And I know that is far more influencing that a TV show.

What are your thoughts on shows such as Peppa Pig and others, do you think “kids will be kids” they would do it anyway? How easily influenced is your child.

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HUGE rambling post

There is something about me that is probably somewhere on some some psychologists chart, of nutters.

I try very hard to be organised but I fail so utterly miserably I think I have always been like this. I rush things and don’t take my time, I think I am doing a good job and I am highly, HIGHLY defensive if you so much as dare question my organisation. I more than likely will tell you I am one of the most organised people you know so F’k off.

But in the reality I am beyond disorganised and forgetful and scatty this is not parenthood this is who I am. I am INCREDIBLY forgetful. I never remember anything important like appointments and car insurance renewals, yes they send you a letter but I loose the letter and then I forget I even ever had the letter. Money well lets say my husband asked if he could have my credit card this morning. I forget what I have bought, I forget if I have any credit on it, when it’s due etc.

I get in the car and realise half the time I’ve left something inside last week I went out with out any nappies for Jerry and yup you guessed it he had a poonami and had to just wear a vest, He was like an old man pulling it to the side and demanding that SOMEONE, ANYONE look at his willy. I haven’t forgotten that 😀

I have an amazing memory for things like lines in a play, I can watch a TV and then pretty much recite the entire show word for word back to my husband with great delight I know he loves to hear about Eastenders 😀

I can read article after article on blogging or parenting and remember them for years.

But important things NO.

Which brings me to the fear of spiders which I blogged about a short while ago. Since moving there has been a rather larger amount of the things than normal, yes moving house, a leafier garden and summer are reasons for this. But my fear is starting to become how it use to be. This morning there was a small, as in 5p size black baby wolf spider in Eliza’s bedroom for 15 minutes I was up and down the stairs trying to wake my husband to get it. Then I went back to her room and it was gone.

Eliza LOVES spiders or mr skinny legs as she calls them,  I however couldn’t even enter her room because if I did it would surely run at me and cause death.

But I have kids, and they have no idea of the fear gripping me. I had to go help look for Mr. Skinny legs who has bloody run away and hopefully died a painful death.

Then there was a daddy long legs by the stairs and my husband bless him, but he was a total twat and tried to pick it up with a FORK! A FORK and er yes he dropped it on the stairs and he frantically tried to catch it with the fork, and well he didn’t. And for the first time in a long time, I let my fear take over and I had a panic attack and broke out into this enormous sweat, and busrt into tears THANK GOD the kids were watching PONYO and were no where near me, I then sat in my room and cried my eyes out so angry at the fear, so angry I let myself behave this way.

I was about to leave the house to get dinner, but now I was trapped up stairs it took me 10 minutes to gather myself to walk down the stairs. I reminded myself it was a daddy long legs not a funnel web which would charge at me poison and cause certain death. each step was dangerous I was shaking like a leaf.

I have to get better I can’t go on like this, at some point Unal, won’t be home and I will with the kids and I will have to cope.

I’ve just to remember it’s silly!

we’re getting there with the un-packing boxes still everywhere, things missing, hubby loosing his mind with me asking where or what box has this or that in it and I can’t even remember packing it let alone where it is now.

Anyway it’s 9.50pm and my daughter is still up and on the ipad

shower time, anyone else sick of this hot weather?

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Baby Eliza

Eliza starts her school orientation next week. She has some classes with her new class buddies, and she’s very excited about what’s ahead. She keeps asking if it’s time for her to start school yet, and will she be able to do reading there? And can she do drawing?

I was telling her the other day that school is every day and she will start at 9am and I will come and get her at 3.15pm  She said well that’s a very long time mummy, I think I will only go for 2 days.

She’s a bit worried that 5 days is to much. Me too. I am going to miss her desperately. I get choked up every time I think of her not here with me, and at school. She is so ready for school however.Her thirst for learning is enormous. She loves to write her letters and her name, trying so hard to read more than she can (which is  a few words) trying to count higher than 25, asking what is 2+2 and what is this and what is that, what is that bird, what country are Panda’s from it never ends. I am looking forward to having that pressure off me lol

Having been a full time mum for 4 years and never having her in nursery or having any family to help out. We have only ever had each other in the day time. I think the separation is going to be pretty hard on us both. We have lots of cuddles at the moment and she says “when I go to school, I’m really going to miss you, will you miss me?” Of course I have to say in a brave voice “of course but it’s only for several hours, then you will be home again”

Then there is Jerry, the two of them are best friends. If you so much as joke and say “bye Jerry” and pretend you are leaving him at home she reaches a point of almost crying and screams. DONT LEAVE HIM. When we went to the Innocent Fruit towers few weeks back the entire train journey was “I want to go home, I miss Jerry” And apparently he wandered around at home for a little bit saying “where’s Eliza” lovely but again heartbreaking. I know they will adjust and it will all be OK. Just sad to see it all happening.

Of course there is the factor that this baby is due exactly around the time she starts school. I will as people love to point out, as if I don’t know, be busy with having a new baby in the house.

For sure September is going to be a very emotional month.

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Them Apples

nom nom nom

Please remind me to slice the Apples before I give them to my son

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Remind me..

Today we went to Toys R Us. My son has a HUGE obsession with Aircraft the first words out of his mouth every single day are “copter” and “airplane” and he repeats them ALL DAY LONG copter, copter, airplane, copter,copter,airplane and repeat.

Today he missed out on his nap. My father rang me just as he was drifting off, here’s the thing. I still breastfeed Jerry at 23 months to sleep. He’ll sleep anywhere strollers, car etc but at home no self settling just me. So of course I had to take this phone call. My father lives in Saudi Arabia I don’t speak to him very often so to sacrifice Jerry’s nap time seemed like a good idea.

Then we went out to the toy shop to find a bloody airplane/copter as the one he had and loved broke and went in the garbage.

He was OK but after 1.5 hours of us looking at every single toy on the shelf he’d had enough!

Back home he played with his copter and then I decided really enough was enough and he had to go to sleep. MUCHO crying in my arms little bit of a feed and he was asleep, but he didn’t want me to leave every time I moved he cried hysterically so I had to wait until he was dead to the world and sneak up. Which I did. Eliza was playing quietly in her room where I should of bloody left her.

But NO….I got to her room where she is playing under her bed she flies out when I say I am going downstairs and promtly hits her head on the edge of her bed and SCREAMS and I quickly say “please DON”T SCREAM!!!!!” while hugging her and hoping she hasn’t split her head open, and I really don’t want to be the parent that says “it’s OK come on get over it” because I know that when you have hurt yourself and someone says “oh come on that didn’t hurt” you feel like maiming them.

Down stairs we go, I go out to our car to get the garbage out of it and come in Eliza walks around the corner and taps and I mean taps her fingers on the sideboard in our hallway and she lets out this ear piercing scream and starts this “ah ah ah ah” and frantically screaming at the same time, BANG I hear Jerry get out of bed and him coming down the stairs crying, and I just lost it and yelled at her that unless she actually really, really hurts herself or looses a limb that screaming like that was banned. And I would take her new toy pony and put it in the bin, because I am a mature grown adult that has power like that.

Meanwhile Jerry is still screaming in my arms and shouting “copter, airplane” handing him new airplane peace is restored and I re-warn Eliza that unless she thinks it’s hospital worthy to keep the screaming down.

Where was my husband through this all?

In bed asleep my friends

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